Pizza in Hong Kong is an interesting phenomenon.
After reading a Domino's menu, I felt compelled to share some of the astounding, gag-inducing combinations made for the Hong Kong palate.
Keep in mind the Chinese love seafood; the selections reflect this. The menu has normal combinations, but these pale in comparison with the funky flavours.
Tired of the same old boring pizza? Want a fresh taste sensation? You've never had pizza like this! Satisfy your cravings with these hot new flavours that will make your taste buds sing!
Or make your bile-ducts scream.
Consider Salmon Island: Onion, green pepper, corn, salmon, crab stick, and on this pizza, Thousand Island sauce replaces the regular sauce.
· Thousand Island sauce? In a word, nasty.
Salmon not your bag? Try the Seafood: Shrimp, squid, scallop, onion and green pepper.
· Squid? Why not just ask for rubber bands or pencil erasers?
Into eggplant? Healthy eaters love the Super Giant Eggplant: Eggplant, mushroom, onion, tuna and Italian sausage.
· They forgot mayonnaise and pickles.
Contemplate the Peach Island: Peaches, crab stick, corn and Thousand Island sauce.
· Imagine for a moment what that would look like.
But wait! There's more!
You say you want Hawaiian? Here's a twist, Hawaii Island: Ham, pineapple and Thousand Island sauce.
· My stomach is doing a slow roll as I think about how that would taste.
Don't forget the Tuna Special: Onion, green pepper, corn, tuna and double cheese.
· I still haven't figured out the deal with the corn. I like corn, but on the cob, with butter and salt. Corn doesn't belong on pizza; it doesn't look right. Think about what happens after you eat corn.
As for the Thousand Island thing, I can state for the record I will never eat a pizza with that sauce. Hot Thousand Island sauce ... I'm getting shivers of revulsion just talking about it.
Operating hours for pizza joints are too short. In Canada, people can party into the wee hours and order a pizza if they get an attack of the munchies. Here, no dice if you need a slice: they close at 11.00pm. After that, either find an open restaurant or hit the 7-11. Unlike North America, Hong Kong 7-11s don't have those toasted skin-graft sandwiches they have the nerve to call hoagies. Fish balls aren't a great substitute.
At least Domino's has a satisfaction policy. Should you feel adventurous and want to try one of the horrid concoctions, you can return the uneaten portion for replacement or refund. They won't want the part you ate, though you'd be happy to return it.
Tell them to send a container with the driver.
November 16, 1999
Next Tale: Now That's A Haircut