How Much Is That Froggy in the Window?

gecko How much is that froggy in the window? The one that's all dried up and pale?

How much is that froggy in the window? I sure hope that froggy's for sale.

It was, along with seahorses, geckos, and other things guaranteed to put more ram in your rod, swagger in your stick, pep in your step, or is good for what ails you.

"... guaranteed to put more ram in your rod ..."

Health-food stores are fond of displaying their wares for all to see; as I was out grocery buying, I was treated to this ignoble exhibit of deceased amphibians and reptiles.

If you think that's weird, you should see the carrots.

They're freaking massive. These things grow in diameter anywhere from the size of your forearm to your upper calf. Usually they're chopped up into large chunks for inclusion in soup.

These mutants are startling to see when one is used to the much thinner version.

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Of course, what goes in must come out, which leads me to Hong Kong's public washrooms: bathrooms to you Americans; toilets to you British and Australians.

Westerners are confounded when they happen across the basins, which look like porcelain bedpans recessed in the floor. There's no place to sit, which is more of a problem for the ladies. To make matters worse, at times there are no handles to grab.

That means one has to squat, and that's a tricky thing to do when one wasn't raised that way. It's a good idea to bring tissue, because there bathroom tissue isn't supplied.

For those of you who've flown to Asia, you may have noticed signs in aircraft lavatories indicating the user should not stand on the seat, as some folks are wont to do. That can be dangerous during turbulence, and potentially disgusting.

I have no desire to see what digested deceased amphibians look like.

August 21, 1999

Next Tale: Seven Dead Umbrellas