Stepping on the Big Meatloaf

The Big Meatloaf My wife cracks me up.

I often get her to walk on my back to straighten out the old spine. One night she was up there, giving the bones a good workout, when in a mischievous tone, she blurted out: Stepping on the big meatloaf!

Meaning me.

It's fun to be married. I have no idea what prompted that, or where it came from, but I burst out laughing at the sheer silliness of it.

· ƒ ·

From cute, we move to annoying.

We all know soft drink manufacturers have tried many different things to get our attention. They have promotions, specials, gimmicks, you name it.

The provided a diverse range of sizes: 300ml, 600ml, 1L, 2L, and for your convenience, the incredible size of: 150ml.

I couldn't believe my eyes. There in the grocery store, sat a teeny, tiny can of 7Up.

Who is this going to satisfy? You could drink it in one gulp. If opening a regular can is a pain in the ass, you should try this. On second thought, try it three times, because that's how many cans you're going to have to open to be satisfied.

"Hell, you'll work up a sweat trying to get it open."

Hell, you'll work up a sweat trying to get it open. They have the added bonus of being available in all the famous brand names, namely Coke, 7Up and Pepsi.

Oh look, they fit in a purse! Makes a great self-defense weapon, just put a few cans in and aim your handbag at your assailant's head!

Big parties have never been easier to plan, just sprinkle a few of these around the flat within easy reach. So convenient!

Plus, they'll fit in your Christmas stocking! For you kids, if the teacher spots you with one and asks: Did you bring enough for everyone? You can say: YES!

If I'm the big meatloaf, someone at the soft-drink company is a big meathead.

July 9, 1999

Next Tale: The Elusive 1000-Layer Cake

All Tales: Index