Lift Laws
The rules of elevator use developed 30 seconds after it was invented.
Hong Kong is a city filled with high rises. Most people use lifts several times each day, yet despite this, many Hong Kongers violate basic good manners for no other reason than impatience.
Let's explore the list of infractions and related idiocy:
Don't Press A Lit Button
When the lift has been summoned, pressing the button again won't make it go faster.
If pushing the button did speed up the lift, five people hitting it in succession would send the elevator into free-fall. The passengers inside wouldn't appreciate that.
All elevators should be rewired so that lit buttons would zap anyone dumb enough to punch them.
Don't Stink
The lift is an enclosed and not well-ventilated air space — save the few moments the doors open — so let's be blunt.
Those prone to dousing themselves with perfume or cologne shouldn't do it two seconds before entering the elevator. Lighten up on scented soaps and lotions as well. If other passengers are hugging the walls, swooning, or crouching near the floor where the air is fresher — your fragrance is cloying.
On the other hand, slobs should examine themselves before leaving the flat. Those reeking of B.O., dirty hair, mothballs or mildew should take a shower and get their clothes dry-cleaned.
Hong Kongers burdened with a pathological fear of the dentist should take the hint when their chronic halitosis forces passengers to bail out at lower floors.
The worst citizens are those who break wind whenever they feel the urge. They're shameless; unlike in North America, they make no attempt to conceal their identity, nor do they apologise.
As punishment, farters should be made to clean the filthiest public restroom in Hong Kong for a month.
Don't Be Pushy
Modern elevators are fast. Most buildings have two or even three lifts. Should you miss one, another will be along any moment.
Don't squeeze in while others are trying to get out (these dullards do the same thing on the MTR and KCR).
More annoying is the weasel who tries to skirt a waiting group and pop in by the door's edge.
Too bad lifts aren't equipped with bouncers. I'd love to see a queue-jumper get tossed out.
Don't Abuse The Space
Some folks hog the elevator by using shopping bags or carts to stake out their personal space. Even if they owned the building, this would be considered boorish.
When the lift has space for one more, don't try to cram in your wife, two kids, parents and domestic helper in addition to yourself. The elevator could be near its weight capacity. Should the overload alarm sound, don't stare at everyone else.
In the words of the Terminator: Get. Out.
Don't Block Others
Because many Hong Kongers pile in without thinking, folks must often push through a crush of bodies just to get out at their floor.
Common sense dictates where one should stand, according to the floor number. The higher the floor, the closer to the rear people should move.
People who aren't going to low floors yet insist on staying near the door deserve to have their feet stepped on.
Don't Make Short Trips
Nothing is more frustrating to people who live or work on high floors than making milk-runs to the ground.
Those going down one or two floors should use the stairs. Hotels have a rule for employees using the service elevator: take the stairs one floor up or two floors down.
People with ever-widening rear-ends would do well to memorise that.
Don't Use Your Phone
In Hong Kong, mobile phones can be used in tunnels, the MTR and most underground shopping malls.
Inside elevators, the signal gets blocked — and that's a good thing. The space is too small to handle the noise some folks generate because they don't know how to control their speaking volume.
And end the call before boarding, so we don't have to hear you yelling, "Wai ... WAI ?" when the network drops the call.
Don't Be Selfish
Unlike lifts in some cities, the "door open" and "door close" buttons work. Rare is the individual who waits for the automated system; out of habit, most people close the doors.
The more fractious folks hit the "close" button milliseconds after last passenger's butt clears the threshold. Sometimes they jump the gun and slam the doors into a hapless victim.
The worst of these people are a breed apart — jerks so selfish they'll look you right in the eye wearing a "Screw you, Jack" expression while they press "close", even if they see you sprinting to catch a ride.
In a perfect world, they'd be forced to take the stairs for a year as the penalty for shutting out passengers.
Some citizens are selfless and will hold the doors open — or reverse them when they're closing, if need be. These considerate souls are outnumbered, but they set a good example*.
The selfish consider any delay an affront, which is why I like to stand within reach of the control panel in the lift.
Pressing the "door open" button to let in more passengers is a touch of poetic justice.
* Note: Holding the doors for someone arriving at the last moment is acceptable; blocking them for someone who is "running behind" isn't. If he's not there, don't delay the other passengers.
These basic laws of the lift were the first which came to mind, but more may be added should I observe additional acts of rudeness.
In the meantime, point this section out to folks you believe need remedial lessons.
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