December 2000

Oliver's Sandwich

We stopped at Oliver's Sandwich for a quick bite.

A sign announced the following special hot sandwich: Chocolate Chicken!

Chocolate melted over hot chicken on toasted bread?

Vile!

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Chew 'n' Choke

McDonald's is at it again.

Their latest incarnations are taro sundaes and taro pies. No wonder I call it Chew 'n' Choke.

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Flying Roach

A huge two-inch-long cockroach crawled through the air conditioner and then started flying.

I freaked out, knocked it to the floor, and stomped it flat.

I feel oogie and paranoid; after my horrific experience earlier this year, I keep expecting more to pop out.

The hairs on my neck are still standing.

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Japanese Pillow

I bought a new Japanese-made pillow. Some of the translations and typos on the packaging are not only funny, they're indecipherable:

· Resilient rlumper. What the heck is a rlumper??

· 100% jmported. Gee, I wonder where it was jmported from?

· Washabie. I've always considered it important to have a washabie pillow.

· Quality tibers. I won't stand for inferior tibers!

· Effectived dispersion. You mean it used to disperse, but no longer?

· Bi-componment-type. I have no idea what this means.

· Satisfying volumn. Volume? Column? Which is it?

· Coniugate. This isn't even a word.

I hope more effort was put into manufacturing than proof-reading.

I'm afraid to rest my head on it.

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Duh!

To the two fellows I saw outside the Volvo dealership:

When the lights inside the showroom are out, and nobody's inside, it means the business is closed for the night.

No need to try the door to see if it's open.