Dirty Words for a Dirty Deed

Note: this article contains a few rough words; hopefully they won't offend you, Gentle Readers.

When it comes to learning less-than-delicate Cantonese expressions, I never know where I'll pick them up.

Sure, I've learned lots of bad words from triad movies, walking about Mong Kok, and even listening to phone conversations (it's not eavesdropping when the twit nearby is bellowing to ensure his blinking Bluetooth earpiece registers his voice), but I was amused to hear what could be construed as a rude phrase on the National Geographic Channel.

More on the term in a moment, but first, the backstory: combining expert testimonials, CGI, and dramatisations, the program depicted a new "superflu" being unleashed into the world and sparking the next great pandemic. It began with a woman, dubbed Patient Zero, shopping at a Hong Kong street market, where a butcher who'd been hacking up a pig turned and sneezed right in her face, mucous and all.

Yuck.

While giving the hapless meatcutter her best withering stare, she rebuked him with: Yauh mouh gaau cho (有冇攪錯)! I was immediately intrigued, as I knew three of the four words.

In question form, yauh mouh (有冇) has various meanings, the most common of which is "Do you have ...?" (used when looking for something in a shop, for instance); while cho (錯) means "wrong". A little digging turned up the definition of gaau (攪): to stir, agitate, or disturb.

The literal translation of the phrase into English doesn't make much sense: "have not-have disturb wrong?", but once you factor in the flexibility of Cantonese grammar, the meaning is clear: Are you mistaken?

However, it only has this definition if it's stated matter-of-fact. Inject any emotion into the words and the meaning shifts, depending on whether you intend to register surprise, disappointment, displeasure, pain or anger.

If you're annoyed, it means: Are you kidding?! But if you're aggravated, as you would be if someone sprayed you with saliva and nasal discharge, it can mean:

· Holy shit!;

· Damn it!; or

· What the Hell!

Given the woman had to wipe a big glob of goop off her chin, you must agree that she wasn't concerned with being polite.

And so I applaud National Geographic, not for teaching me colourful language, but for staying true to life by not shying away from a realistic response.

Now I know what to say the next time someone sneezes in my face.

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