The Paper Bag Won

The results of my audition as a dubber are in.

It didn't go well. You know the saying: he couldn't act his way out of a paper bag?

In this case, the paper bag won.

To be fair, I was cautioned from the outset that being a professional dubber is exacting; you've got to accomplish several things all at once: reading the script (and reading ahead), watching the screen, acting as the characters behave, and maintaining a sense of timing with the original Japanese soundtrack playing in your ear.

It's not as easy as it might sound, despite my previous work in radio. Here I didn't have the luxury of time (nor did the company; it needed people right away) to train and get a solid grip on the process.

I wasn't certain I could do it, but I gave it a shot ... I just didn't think I would suck.

But suck I did. I sucked like an Electrolux.

Worse yet, during the audition I could feel myself sucking, and was powerless to stop it. It was like being aware that I was having a nightmare but somehow not being able to wake up from it. It was the sensation a driver gets when he knows he's about to rear-end another car and nothing he does makes any difference.

I had no lofty expectations, so being informed that I wasn't suitable was no great blow to my ego. At least the owner didn't give me the Simon Cowell treatment.

Perhaps with training and practice, I could acquire a feel for it, but to what end? It would be fun, and the people there are cool (and great at dubbing; it's amazing how easy they made it look), but the truth is the older a man gets, the more his reaction time slows down. Even if I could be trained, how long would I be able to continue?

And so, dubbing is not in the cards for me. It looks like I'll have stick with something I'm halfway good at.

Anyone care to license a photograph?

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