Notes » Crazy Fat Fit Massage
Notes » July 2006
Crazy Fat Fit Massage
The latest grating infomercial making the rounds is for a product called, get this: Crazy Fit Massage.
The commercial is dubbed in Cantonese (and poorly at that) and shows Caucasians melting away their fat by standing on a vibrating platform. The studio shots are intercut with footage of the average pedestrian in some mainland Chinese city raving (dubbed again) about how great it feels.
If you enjoy watching the rapid jiggling of buttocks, then this ad is for you.
This contraption is nothing more than a retread of an exhausted gimmick: the vibrating belt. Warning: viewing the full-sized image may cause recurring nightmares.
A quick stroll through the web reveals a host of mainland manufacturers touting the manifold benefits (in mangled English) of this advanced technological device:
Fat Losing Machine can not only throw off the unwanted fat,but also can strengthen the body. The machine exercise the fat of the whole body to consume calory and remove the superfluous fat in the body by using the scientific sports principle.
I never knew fat could be exercised. And isn't all that thrown-off fat hard to wipe off the walls?
You just need to exercise for 5-10 minutes every day,the consumption of calory is similar to jog for one hour,and is equal to 30 times speed of consuming calories for running.
They forgot one: the damage to joint is equal to jog for one week.
You can shape your body easily,and the design is very Humanization,you can freely adjust the libration speed from 1 grade to 20 grade,you can choose the suitable frequency according to your needs.
Humanization? They're not selling an exercise machine, they're selling an android.
it is easy to operate,and the effect is obvious,if you keep on exercising for one month,you can lose weight for 5/10 kgs and waistline for about 2 centimeters.
Because it's difficult to keep food down when your stomach is bopping off your ribs.
And it can also reform the unskillful movement of legs caused by rheumatism as well as without walking for long time for the elders.
There is some evidence that low speeds can help offset osteoporosis by increasing bone density, but that won't matter much to Grandma if she loses her balance and takes a header. Ask any elderly person: a broken hip is no laughing matter.
The exercise is to help you remove the fat rather than to making you on diet and diarrhoea,so it won"t be rebound,
So, according to them, dieting causes the runs? What do they think will happen when a person's intestines feel like they've been run through a blender?
further more,you just need to exercise for 5-10 minutes every day,the calories consumption is equal to jog for one hour,just 5 minutes--you must be ok to you,right?
You must be okay to you: now there's a title for a self-help book.
by using this 5 minutes ,Gentleman can have a strong and handsome body,ladies can have a attractive stature.You can surely take easy to use it ,you will have health ,beauty and confidence once you have it.
Okay ... but why do I keep hearing Homer Simpson in my head, saying: "Woo-hoo! Look at that blubber fly!"
And here I thought the iGallop was a crock.
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