Daaih Gwai Louh

In Hong Kong, my surname messes people up.

Not only can they not pronounce it, (I don't hold that against them, most people in North America goof it up too, unless they speak Dutch), but they become confused as to what my first name is.

All Hong Kong identification cards are formatted the same way: surname first (in ALL CAPS), followed by a comma, and then the given name(s) (only first letters capitalised). That my surname is split into three parts shouldn't present a problem, yet it throws folks for a loop. I get called all sorts of variations:

· Mr. Van (most often coming out sounding like Mr. Wan)

· Mr. Won ... (followed by unintelligible mumbling)

· Mr. Randall (that "R" is a tough one for Cantonese-speakers whose English is weak; there's no "R" sound in that dialect)

And it's Mister: never my first name. Only telemarketers and junk mail senders presume to use your first name without asking permission.

I get called by my middle name a lot, which doesn't offend me. It's similar to my father's, though no one has ever called me by his name, except on the phone. Back in Canada, I fooled many folks who thought they were speaking to Dad.

I've even had a few people call me by my wife's surname. I have an unofficial Chinese name, but the surname is different than Mabel's. I've invited people to use it, but they never do. They might be intimidated.

A handle like mine is a mouthful, but I have a solution: they can call me daaih gwai louh.

It's the closest they can get to Big White Guy.

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