Ahem

I've been living in Hong Kong over four years.

I've gotten used to most things, to the point where I hardly notice them anymore. I rarely complain, but there are a few exceptions.

One habit I can't get past, can't ignore and cannot stand is the obnoxious way people clear their throats. In a society where in public many people pick their noses, chew with their mouths open, and belch or break wind without batting an eyelash, hawking up loogies hardly seems a sin worth mentioning.

But it's the one thing that drives me buggo. It's the volume, you see. Folks have never mastered the art of quietly loosening the phlegm in their windpipes. They believe that the louder they hawk a big one back, the more effective they'll be in ejecting it.

This leads to a sound that could compete with a 747 throttling up its engines. I've heard it drown out traffic. Spitting may be illegal in Hong Kong, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I can't walk two blocks without being treated to a symphony of hacking and gagging.

I don't even have to leave home to hear it. Mercy, no. My mother-in-law is a champion hawker. The time of day or night doesn't matter. The woman wakes up several times during the night to clear her throat. Many's the time I've been writing into the wee hours of the morning when from her bedroom comes the unmistakable sound: Hghghghghaaaaawwccckkk!

[Shudder] Thinking about it makes me feel oogey. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice person, but she has an awful habit that she's not going to change, which is why I get down on my knees and thank God that in five more days, we'll be living in a bigger flat.

With two bathrooms.

And an office where I can close my door, turn up my music and work without being disturbed by the bodily functions of others.

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